sol statistical update: Thailand, August 2002

Sol Statistical Update for Thailand: 8/31/2002
Reason for not blogging: Excessive Fun

Status of motorbike accident wounds: Infection

Reasons allowing time for composure of this Blog: 90% Monsoon, 10% Exhaustion from excessive antibiotic drugs

Frequency of pill-popping: Every 4 hours

How much I am personally contributing to the human race’s increased resistance to antibiotics: Unfair Amounts

# of Elephants I was hopping to trek on today: 1

Chances of cancellation due to monsoon: 80%

Approximate weight of Thai woman who trampled on my back last night in a 1-hr Thai full body (as in THEY use THEIR full body) massage: 135 lbs

Approximate number of elephants it now (this morning) feels like trampled over my back last night: 20

Cost of Thai massage per hour: US $4 dollars

Companions in Pi Pi Islands: 2 Strikingly Handsome Frenchmen

How Much They Paid Me to use those Adjectives: Undisclosed

# of facial attacks by baby monkey: 1 (captured on camera and coming to a photogallery near you)

Scars to Show for it: Only Mental

# of Postcards found that have a picture of my exact bungalow on it: Countless

Cool factor of that: Extreme

# of rumored Unexplained Deaths in Bungalow L16 (next door to mine): 1

Condition of mattress upon inspection by traveler who thought it was a lie and wondered why the best bungalow on the beach was unoccupied: Blood-soaked

# of maps found: 0

Bad joke in reference to the movie “The Beach” (that was filmed here): see above

# of Padlocks added to the door of L16 after I questioned the reception desk as what occurred in the bungalow: 2

Status of Mystery: Unsolved

# of Travelers who share with me the right-leg-motorbike-muffler-burn “tattoo of Thailand”: 1 in 4

How many of those who sport the same “tattoo” who give me the “nod” of mutual condolence *and idiocy*: 1 in 4

# of Scuba dives made off the Pi Pi Islands: 2
Me & My Divemaster

Visibility: Absolute shit

Hypothesis as to what the diving is most likely like ON-season (i.e, NOT now): Exceptional

What is used to serve the Thai special Red Bull & Rum concoction at bars: A bucket and 5 straws

Implications of ordering drinks in buckets: Nauseous rides home in Long Tail boats and deathly hang-overs.

Cure for deathly hang overs: Beach, Bungalow and a splash of lime.

Funny-Ass-Sign that I *regrettably* was unable to get my camera out fast enough to capture: “Next Right: Monkey Training College” (Yes. They actually have them to train the monkeys to harvest coconuts.)

# of Pictures awaiting uploadation: 50+

Date “Uploadation” was added to the Sol Dictionary: 8/31/02

Average # of Israelis that approach me speaking in Hebrew each day: No less than 5

# of Baht that one Israeli was willing to bet that I was actually from Israel and traveling incognito as an American tourist: 500 Baht

Price of a full day snorkel excursion to 7 different sites including all equipment and meals: 450 baht

What the Israeli swore was a conclusive indicator of my Israeli origin: My Feet

Audio Level of the Rain that is coming down now as I type: Totally Deafening

Chance that my Elephant Trek has been cancelled: 95%

Time Due for my next elephant-sized Antibiotic pill: Immediately

Quick Mid-Term Report Card for Thailand before I pass out from Exhaustion:

Ease of Travel: A+

Quality of Food: A+

Beauty of Beaches: A+

Safety: B+

Cleanliness: B

Amount of Extracurricular Activity Options (etc. Diving, Kayaking, Elephant and Other Treks, Buddhist Meditation Centers, Rock Climbing, etc.): A+

Cost of Travel: A+ (by far the cheapest I’ve ever come by)

Cultural Learning & Level of Interaction with Thai people: D+

Comments: Thailand is at the VERY top of my list of countries I will return to for a more extensive amount of time 1: because of the scores on factors 1-7 above and 2: in attempt to to raise the score on factor 8, which simply necessitates more time than my allowed 2 wks.

Pictures coming soon….

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