“So what do you read?” he asks me as I deliver black coffee and sugar to the table.
The unsuspecting target is unaware that he is about to be ambushed by my Army of Authors.
I charge, “Reading? Well, let´s see….a few books by Osho, and works by Edgar Cayce, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Carl Jung, Ghandi, Canstenada, and Sri Ramana Maharshi as well as some inspiring material my mother just sent me by Joseph Campbell… wait, listen to this…”
I pull out the ratted email from my back pocket and begin to read…
“If you want to find your own mythology, the key is with what society do you associate? Today there are no boundaries. The only mythology that is valid today is the mythology of the planet, and we don’t have such a mythology. The closest thing I know to a planetary mythology is Buddhism, which sees all beings as Buddha being. The only problem is to come to the recognition of that. There is nothing to do. The task is only to know what is, and then to act in relation to the brotherhood of all of these beings.”
“The mythology of the planet,” I sigh.
“No. Fiction,” he says and yanks me down from lofty thoughts. “What fiction do you read?”
Fiction? I scratch my head and think about this question…
“I think my life has got enough fiction in it. I’m not sure what I’d do with any more romance, adventure, danger or mystery. I suppose that’s part of the reason I read non-fiction — to help ground me and to give my reckless story some theme and reason.”
And that is the question…
What IS the Theme and Reason of my Myth?
The question came up from a reader, “Do you actually expect a governmental agency to be flexible with your loans? Do you think society is going to let you be an exception?”
And my answer is: Absolutely not!
I chuckle with everyone at the idea of such a bureaucracy giving even a moment’s attention to an individual. That would be in opposition to its very nature. I will be delighted if I manage to tug a grin out of a single suit.
And a few people (including my parents) have suggested that I just “do the time” or make a few sacrifices “to pay” for the past, even if that means, temporarily “selling out.” But what I seem to have a difficult time explaining to people, is that I simply do not have this power within me. I am unable, as suggested, to “sacrifice” a single moment of living (out of integrity) for either yesterday or tomorrow. It’s not within my power. If I try, my soul actually aches. I feel physically sick with a sneaky and slow, but terminal disease. Not walking in alignment with the Truth in my heart splits me in half. And this straddled path is one I can not walk.
I broke a contract with Society. But Society also broke its contract with me. It told me that it would take care of me, that it would suffice all my needs and give me happiness, if I would only OBEY. It said, “consume, produce” and you will be happy. All the institutions told me that I could “get” happiness in the forms of money, heaven, marriage, material objects, beauty, prestige and/or security; That happiness was something “externally attainable” and earned by long-term investment. And THAT was the biggest lie I’ve ever been told.
And you know why I know now that it’s a lie? Because all lies need to be constantly defended. They need thick walls of support to hold them up because they have nothing else under them. And, my god, is society every trying to convince us of this one. Television, radios, billboards, magazines, newspapers, politicians, teachers, parents, priests, music lyrics, novels, movies, fashion models, celebrities, advertisements on every wall, screen and sign shouting; “BUY ME!”, “DON’T DO THAT!”, “LOOK LIKE THIS!”
But the sky is not falling. Poor Chicken Little. If only he’d stop shouting and look up for a minute.
Cause all it takes is a few minutes of silence looking up at the clouds or the stars for the quiet voice of Truth to awaken within. THAT voice does not need billboards or bikinis or block letters or smart rhymes to get its message across. THAT voice needs no support; It stands on its own. And THAT voice speaks only in a whisper – to those that are ready to listen. And that voice tells me that I can find both Peace and Joy in complete silence.
And from now on, in THIS life, this is the only voice that I abide.
For as you already know, I do not feel confined to one life. Perhaps in the next I will have a house and husband and children and will pay off my school loans in a timely manner. But with THIS life, I will seek a new myth. A story of a girl who surrenders everything to follow the voice of Inspiration within. Perhaps she will die in the making of this Myth. Perhaps she won`t. But either way, she WILL die trying.
I understand that I am challenging rules. I am questioning the system formally, because I think the system needs to be questioned. But I do it all only in the name of Wonder itself.
And just as I surrender to the voice of Truth within, I also surrender to whatever consequences may come from following the path that voice prescribes. I have broken a contract with Society. And Society is a dangerous player to confront. But I have done so with consciousness and in alignment with personal Truth. So if I am punished, or sent to jail, or laughed at, or beaten by Bush himself, then I accept that as part of my Myth. Truth is, I would die for this message. If the point of my puny life is simply to raise an eyebrow or two, then I am absolutely contented!
Because we are all living in a fog of world consciousness. And if even one person turns their head at me and wonders, “just what the hell does she think she’s doing?” — then my job is done, my message received.
For that is ALL I want.
For people to start looking around themselves…
At the condition of this Earth, and the condition of Humanity,
And not at the condition of their “living” — but at the condition of their Being,
To stop defending and start questioning,
To be quiet and start listening,
To look up at the stars with Wonder again,
Just what the hell are we all doing?