So I’ve been documenting, sketching and analyzing my dreams every night for about six months now…(and you wondered where I was getting my odd ideas?)…and last night’s message was all too clear…
In the dream, I was standing next to the Ganga River in Varanasi. A human corpse floated to the top and I could see through the water that there were many more at the bottom. There were many people swimming in the river, but they did not seem see the bodies that lay below. I suddenly felt it my personal mission to clean the Ganga of the corpses because I was not afraid or disgusted by the work, but I knew that the swimmers were averse to Death and I wanted to save them from having to see what lay beneath.
Then I turned around and saw that there were two ladders; One with a queue and the other empty. I went to the ladder with no line, climbed it, and found myself on a platform. There was another platform about six feet from me and I knew I was supposed to jump to it. I looked across and I saw a sign on the far platform that read, “Everyone can get here.” But I was sure I wouldn’t be able to clear the space, so I went back down the ladder and went to the second ladder. I waited in line as an elderly woman struggled to climb it. The ladder was shaky and as I looked up I saw that this one too led to a platform, and although there was also another (smaller) jump to be cleared, it was full of clutter and obstacles. I was still waiting in line when I woke up.
So having worked closely with my dreams over the last months, like a good friend, I’ve come to know their character, habits, hidden meanings and symbolic tendencies. When I work with my dreams, I usually sketch them out first (as Dreams are for the most part limited to visuals) and then write out corresponding “captions” underneath the images. And I find that it’s usually somewhere in this translation, from the visual to the vocal worlds, that their secret messages (from my higher to physical self) reside.
My captions to the dream sketch above revealed the following message: I cheated myself on my last journal entry about death and reincarnation. Although all that I said was true, I spared my most honest findings and beliefs because I’m afraid that that leap of faith won’t be followed. But the truth is, I’m making the poor assumption that because I used to be so afraid of the word, “reincarnation” — that everyone else is too. But it’s not my job to save anyone from seeing as they will. And as the sign reminded me, I need not be so delicate or conservative about my judgment of what ground can be covered, for anyone, if they so wish, can make that same leap with me. And perhaps I’m using the audience as my excuse? Perhaps the audience I am most afraid to admit my beliefs to — is myself?
So without further shaky ladders, clutter, queues, or obstacles, I take a deep breathe and take my leap of faith to present my most honest understandings of what I really believe, from my personal pursuit of definition, Life to be.
I believe that this life that I am living right now is but a single move on a chessboard of existences that has been playing out over millennia to checkmate a highest level of consciousness. I believe that I have a higher self that is aware of every move I’ve ever made, of every conquest, every defeat, every advance and every retreat. And I believe this higher self (still so far from enlightenment) to scratch its chin at the conclusion of every form of existence (but a snap in the timelessness of this realm) and reflect on the history and future of the game to decide on the most strategic move (form of next existence) that will best position itself for evolution, and ultimate understanding. I believe that in this game of existences, I play all the pieces; I move as the Queen, the King, the Knight, the Bishop, the Rook and the Pawn. Likewise, I choose existences as both females and males in positions of royalty, service, religion, thievery and poverty. Only by existing as each can I understand all, and ultimately understand that we are all the same, all one. Just as I play all persons, I also play both sides, both black and white; Understanding that good and evil, conquest and defeat, complement each other, and without one, the other would not exist. That they are both used strategically as tools to further my development, to give me the blessed opportunity to struggle — and (perhaps, perhaps not) succeed.
And when this higher self has chosen the life that will present me with the challenges that will push me to grow and move into the next best step of evolution, it consciously also chooses to succumb to a temporary amnesia, in order that it may play out its moves without attachment to previous existences and experiences. So that I may feel out and live my chosen life with full and unhindered heart. And I also believe that when I need guidance, I am dropped hints, omens, cues and clues (from this higher self) as to direct me to my prescribed path. And I think these clues to be found in my dreams — of both the day and night. And I believe that the poets, authors, musicians, painters and all the artists of life tap into this same channel of the creative where dreams are inspired. And to their delight (and matching despair), they find that the language of this realm is untranslatable to the boxy confines of human language and can only be illustrated in expressions of the Unconscious – which I think to be the playground of the higher self.
Whoa. I’m babbling. But suddenly I have a lot to admit to myself. And unfortunately for those reading, THIS happens to not only be a travel journal, but also my form of self-expression and realization. And by denying my truth here, I was denying it to myself. And please understand that I have neither evidence nor desire to prove anything I’ve presented. This is only reality as I — one miniscule, microscopic and meager player in the universe — have experiences it to be.
And now, although I so many more platforms to jump, I also have a train platform to run to…and a 26-hour ride to Rishikesh in Northern India at the foot of the Himalayas.