![\"\"](\"http:\/\/images12.fotki.com\/v201\/photos\/1\/10428\/18320\/PICT0043-vi.jpg?500375\")
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\u201cHey! So, listen. You\u2019ve got help me out. I have no idea what to do. I spent all day, and I mean all day, like 12 hours, researching airline tickets, and then I finally, finally, figured how to make all the connections work out, and then I checked all my finances and made sure everything was ready to go, and I was just about to put my credit card number down, and I froze! I\u2019m frozen! I mean, what am I thinking? I\u2019m going to a country for 7 weeks where I\u2019ll only be able to communicate in a language I started learning two months ago? And then I\u2019m going to hike for five of those weeks? Along a path through mountains that I know nothing about? And camping alone? I mean. Can I just do that? And then Senegal? After all, it IS a country on the \u201cdark continent\u201d. And I\u2019ve never really been to Africa before. And the one time I did, I got chased down the streets for being a single white woman walking alone. And Mumbai? I mean, isn\u2019t that a big scary city that I\u2019ve never been to before? Where there were bombings just this week? And travelling through India alone was so intense last time. Am I really ready for that again? And I\u2019m going to be spending ALL my savings. I won\u2019t have anything again. Is that really what I want to do? Anyway. You\u2019ve got to give me some advice. I really need your help. So\u2026.yeah\u2026call me back when you get this message.\u201d<\/p>\n
*beeeeeeep*<\/p>\n
I left that monologue on the voice mail belonging to two of my best friends last night. And when, by the next day, no one had returned the call, I knew it was for a VERY good reason\u2026<\/p>\n
Someone, smirking down upon me, had obviously pulled up the strings on all the characters in my personal life puppet show, hushed the audience and said, \u201cNo, no, no. Don\u2019t give her any hints. She has to make this one her own.\u201d<\/p>\n
And as I\u2019ve found to be the nature (and purpose?) of dreaming, it seems that over the night, some unnamed higher self sat on Fear and played typewriter on its chest till it cried \u201cmercy!\u201d and my subconscious was settled. High on some ethereal amphetamine administered overnight, I sprang out of bed (sans morning meditation) and raced to the computer where the Courage that had congregated at my finger tips (has anyone else noticed Confidence\u2019s tendency to coagulate on finger pads?) salsa-ed its way, forward and back, all over the keyboard dance floor until three tickets (France, Senegal, India) were plotted, purchased, reserved and confirmed. *dip*<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a lot like cliff jumping — ticket purchasing. You\u2019ve just got to stop looking over the cliff, muster your muscles into accord, hold your breath and JUMP. How could I forget this precious piece of counsel that I offer a dozen times a year to those inquiring? (Isn\u2019t it just in the nature of the divine comedy called \u201cLife\u201d to give us plenty of opportunities to take our own advice?) But what an interesting adaptation of my old standby to twist, \u201cWhat would you do if you weren\u2019t afraid?\u201d to \u201cWhat would you do if you were yourself?\u201d I guess it all depends on how you define \u201cself.\u201d And since I\u2019ve got a higher one out there, that I\u2019m ever aspiring to chase down and be, I suppose it\u2019ll all one day make sense, in some future version (13.1?) of reality.<\/p>\n
In any case, I just thought it important to share that I am not without fear, hesitation, an annoying rattling inner-dialogue, self-doubt, anxiety, or a mother. And that the monologue above is one that — even I — am prone to having with myself and message machines.<\/p>\n
The good news is that, also like cliff jumping, ticket purchasing is fun. And once you\u2019re over the ledge, you\u2019re pretty much above, and over, the anxieties and fears as well. I\u2019ve found that there\u2019s little time, while hurtling through the air of direct experience, to look over my shoulder and contemplate from where I came or wonder if my health insurance is still in effect. Nope. The jump itself is usually just an all-consuming combination of a heightened awareness of the six senses, an acute sense of presence and an exaggeration of time and minutes.<\/p>\n
Oh. And bliss.<\/p>\n
Bliss. Bliss. Bliss. Which I have found, never in the pits of (inner) self-sacrifice, conformity or material comfort, but always under the rocks of surrender, surprise and simplicity. Bliss, which, as opposed to Confidence, prefers to loiter on the upper-end corners of my lips.<\/p>\n
Where it lingers now.<\/p>\n
And bless insecurity, self-doubt and anxiety for giving me something to hurdle over. For giving me the air to fly through. The fall to surrender to. The unknown to adventure within. I just can\u2019t get over the depth, intricacy, and ingenuity behind the coordination of all the lines being pulled in Life\u2019s puppet show. I don\u2019t need to witness miracles or hear promises of heaven to believe. Life\u2019s method is proof enough for me. So evidently divine by the intelligence of its nature indeed.<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
A quick FYI for any others investigating\/contemplating their own leaps of faith and flight: In my research, I gathered three different quotes from air brokers on Around-The-World tickets, but in the end found that I was able to beat all those quotes by over a thousand USD via www.sidestep.com<\/a> and www.kayak.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cHey! So, listen. You\u2019ve got help me out. I have no idea what to do. I spent all day, and I mean all day, like 12 hours, researching airline tickets, and then I finally, finally,… <\/p>\n