“SSR” — Saint Seeking Revelers

Name:

San Simon

Aliases/Nicknames:

Maximon, Ry Laj Man, Judas Iscariot, Pedro de Alvarado, Rij Laj

Ethnicity:

Mayan with Spanish Influences

Height:

Your Average Life Sized Doll

Weight:

About 50 lbs (hard as wood), hollow inside…but certainly not shallow.

Eye Color:

Painted Brown & Sporting Only the Finest in Eye-wear

Age:

Over-The-Hill (and then a few centuries)

Occupation/Professions:

Revered Deity, Soul Cleanser, Alcohol Resale, Model ( 3 Quetzales per viewing, 5 Quetzales per picture)

Religion:

Combination of Mayan God and Catholic Saints

Residence:

Zunil, San Andres, Santiago Atitlan & Throughout the Guatemalan Highlands. Within each village, makes a pilgrimage to a new house every year on November 1st.

Relationship Status:

Currently in relationship with this year’s “cofradias” (town elders). Seeking replacements as of 11/03. Ideally, at least one is needed to keep cigarette burning during all daylight hours and clean ashes off chest, one to tip the chair back in order to pour shots of alcohol into mouth, and one to collect fees from worshipers and photographers.

Pets:

The occasional chicken. But most are eventually sacrificed at the in-house altar in plea for good harvest.

Music Tastes:

Songs and incantations sung in dedication rituals.

Sports:

Not very active. Prefers to simply sit on throne.

Style:

Western Clothing and Brand Names. Partial to Gucci Glasses and Armani Suits. Never Leaves Home w/o “Collection-Bag” Worn Around Neck (see picture above).

Enjoys:

Cigars, Cigarettes, Rum, Fine Fabrics, Burning Candles, Money, Petting & Hand Massages, Prayers, Sleeping, and, in general, any shrine or sacrificial offering.

Favorite Holiday:

Holy Week — when ceremonially hand-bathed, dressed in the finest of clothing, and then carried in massive processions throughout the town.

Annual Income:

Considerable. Refer to modeling rates above. For special fees/sacrifices, additional pleas will be considered. The alcohol that is “consumed” can also be purchased at a special “holy-rum” rate.

Pet Peeve:

Jesus Christ. He’s always competing for the adoration and prayers of the people.

Contact:

Just ask anyone in the town for “San Simon.” If interested in meeting in person, please bring any combination of the following: cigars, money, cigarettes, beer, candles, or a bottle of Venado rum or “Firewater” Quezalteca.